20110524

I have a very severe spending habit that I am not proud of. I just gotta have what I see is nice and at the back of my mind, it'll keep chanting,"You may need it one day. Buy it. It won't hurt you." Guess what, my wallet's hurting because of it. Not mine precisely. My dad's. I'm 22 and I know I should be out looking for my own money. But even my dad said, I gotta finish up my studies first and then I can focus on making money. He's kinda right though. I'll be working for at least 30 years in my life. I won't get back my youth. I'm gonna enjoy being young and free.

But don't you dare think that every dime my dad gives me, I don't appreciate it. Don't you dare say that I ask money so easily and I can come up with it anytime. You don't know how hard and ashamed I am for asking. You don't know fuck about how hard it is to be going around knowing that it's not your money in your pocket. Hey shithead, I don't get allowances like you do. I need to ask for money everytime I need it. You don't know how heavy hearted I get, everytime I ask. All I want from you all right now, is to not judge how spoilt I am. Because you don't know fuck how hard it is to deal with all the judgements passing around and none of them have any idea on how you actually feel. So much for judging a book by it's cover, eyy?

Allah, you're the only one who understands what I am going through, inside and out. Grant me the courage to get through all the false accusations and strengthen me to stand up for the truth. All my good possessions and good luck, is from you. Alhamdulillah. Amin.

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