20080927

Identity Crisis


Crisis lah sangat sebenarnya. Agaga. People keep asking me what I want when the truth is that I don't even know what I want. I don't even know half of who I am.

Let's see. I envy people with major confidence. To me, someone who can bring themselves around with nothing to be ashamed off even if they have major flaws is fun and sexy. I'm a bitch most of the time. I throw tantrums and get seriously pissed at random things. I talk bad about people when they bring me problems. I don't like people who talks big and brags a lot. I think everybody is a hypocrite. Hypocrite is what makes human, human. I don't talk much and I'm not a big conversation maker. I can get really quite. But when the time comes for me to talk, I'll blab like it's nobodies business.

I get turned on with boys who have really, really fantastic bodies. A bit of muscle here and there, the V shaped area where it leads to 'you-know-where' and tall boys. Goshh. I embarrass myself. But hey. I'm a girl. Who cares? I like it when that somebody whispers in my ear. I like being caressed like there's nobody else in the world except me. And I like it when he drops everything and rushes to me when I'm in need. I go crazy over a guy who ignores me. Freak? Yes. I prefer athletes then musicians or artist but a musician captures my heart instantly. It goes to the beat of his melody.

I don't like to text much. But when I do it usually means something. I'm a big spender but I write everything I bought which makes me feel guilty after seeing the list. I've experienced my share of attention so now, I'm not really the type of person who makes herself wanted by people. I treasure friendship especially when it's proven to be worthy. I think a lot but I don't do some part of the things I think off. I'm not particularly smart but my brain comes in good use when it comes to using common sense. I absolutely hate car crashes. Some people are afraid of tight places, dark places, heights, etc, etc. But I am afraid of getting myself in a car crash. I'd rather be in a small room in a high deserted tower.

I had my first boyfriend when I was 11 years old. Influenced by one really 'psycho' best friend of mine. I still think of my old best friends Janifer and Amira. And up till today, I still wonder where are they now and if they still remember me. I get body conscious 3-4 hours a day. I don't obsess about it so much like some anorexic bitches but I do want my body to stop jiggling in certain places that it shouldn't jiggle. Pfft. I don't complain about my skin color. I was born this way and I am going to die in this way. I like dressing up. But I don't accesorise myself macam Datin-datin ok. Gelang sana, rantai sini, anting-anting atas, cincin bawah. A big No-No for me.

I like doing chick magazine quizzes as I wonder what sort of individualistic characters do I have. It's lame but I think every girl liked doing those sort of things right? If not, so screw lah. I have always wondered what it feels like to be beautiful and stunning. I was not always the girl who people look up to when they think of 'beautiful'. Don't get me wrong, I like the way I look. I was only wondering. I wasn't the first person that people pick in teams nor am I the last. I am always somewhere in the middle. Some might say I influence others in one way or another but I think it's just coincidence. I prefer action and blockbuster movies as oppose to chick flicks. I say 'I' alot don't I. That's because I am sort of selfish. Who isn't?

I don't understand why people won't voice out what they are pissed off it and prefers keeping it all bottled up inside. I know for a fact that people yang muka baik, will turn out sebenarnya not that 'baik'. They just don't want to admit it. I will not let myself be pushed around and just keep quiet about it. Some people can handle it but I can't. If someone messes with me and my feelings, I will let them know straight out. To me, people need to know what they are doing before the situation worsens. Not a lot of people kow this, but I can read and predict people. Not all of them and I don't get right each time I predict but most of the time I can. Bottom line, don't be different. Be outstanding. For yourself.

3 comments:

aifaarizwan said...

can u link me up? :)

tinklelina said...

huhu
those V thingy.
i pon suke! ahahaha

adlynndiyana. said...

last paragraph, terase bol?
hahahah :p