I seriously don't know what's the matter with me. I don't know this person anymore. Emotional breakdown. Yes. I am only human. And I do have crazy emotional setbacks. It sucks because even the simplest things makes it hard for me to figure out. I don't feel like turning to my friends right now eventhough I miss them like hell. I feel so distant from them. I just want to hold them in my arms and tell them what's wrong. But I can't. Because nothing is wrong. Maybe I just need some time alone this holiday. Reflect back on me. Ask myself what's going on in my upside down world. I miss you girls. I fucking do. Don't worry, I'm still me when I get back.
Everybody knows that when there's a hello, there will always be a goodbye. But is it a goodbye when you literally see that person everyday? You can't help but wonder if they still have the same feelings for you like they had before. You want to make them part of your life, but under some circumstances, you can't. That's basically how I view my everyday life.
I don't like talking about love because I don't believe in it. I barely do. How can I talk about it when I don't understand it? I can't define it. No one can. All I know that what I want from a relationship is appreciation, commitment, laughter, manners and forgiveness. But I guess I can't have everything now can I? That's my problem. I am always greedy, wanting everything at one go. I was born that way. Yelling at my loved ones. I'm sorry for being the way I am. There's something wrong with me. I can't seem to get over it. Repetition of forgiveness.