Mayday! Mayday! Feeling down and low all of a sudden. Even the big headphones that I adore all this years is now beginning to weigh me down. Soda and a pack of Cheezels did not cheer me up. Plus, I didn't get to download the song I wanted to pump the adrenaline up my heart. Karly and Kyle- Rush. No other tunes could make me feel at ease now. I'm digesting up my emotions so that I won't feel as pathetic as I was a few minutes ago. Feel like grabbing the car keys, head down to the airport and just stay there. Put on my headphones, with soothing art sounds and just lie down in the middle of the runway where I could see aeroplanes soaring above and me half fantasizing about life and half praying that I won't get run over by an airplane. That's life right? Dreams + reality.
Lets say that I am dreaming about what life could be if I had it my own way. Would finish up my diploma here, take care of my family, travel the world before I reach 23, pick up my degree in journalism at Boston University/NYU/Northeastern University, study music on the sidelines (continue my piano lessons), move my family up there in Boston/NY, get married on the beach and get a job writing about what the world has to offer us mortal self-absorbed blind beings.
Snapping back to reality. 3 things that makes it sort of impossible for me to reach my dreams.
1. I can't depend on Ayah for money for all the things I want to do
2. I'm not the type to study really hard. I'm just lucky
3. What if luck is not by my side? Would I die because I'm shit out of luck?
What I can do now is either work hard, stop messing around, pray 5 times a day, keep holding on to that dream of mine and stop thinking about KP or should I just go out to the front balcony, stand on the railings and just jump off of it and keep thinking that luck would grow me wings. You choose. Just act nonchalantlike and choose.