Just celebrated my 3rd year anniversary with Azim exactly a week ago. We celebrated it the way we've always preferred: low key. So lucky, so blessed. He doesn't have a lot - he can't offer me the world, no model looks, no title. What he can give me is his time, effort and himself. I hope you have a man that's willing to give you the same.
I couldn't afford to get him a gift or plan a surprise like I always have. So I did what I'm good at (kind of), which is write. Sent him an e-mail, at midnight, 25/11/2012, 12:19AM.
"Things I Hate About You
I hate it when you’re always late to pick me up
I hate it when you don’t have the sense of urgency
I hate it when you won’t allow me to sing while I eat
I hate it when you don’t tell me what you think
I hate that you put football first, even worse when you hate Torres
I hate the fact that your skinny, cause you make me feel fat
I hate when you don’t come to see me, cause it hurts me to miss you
I hate the fact that I can’t hate you cause I know it’s easier to get hurt that way…
But you never did. You’ve never hurt me in any way other than the fact that you make me miss you. I’ve always wished I met someone who can buy me jewelry or be top of his class. My dream guy consisted of someone who can take me on a holiday, smart and rich. But after meeting you, it didn’t matter anymore because you’re better than a dream – you’re my reality.I’ve changed so much ever since I knew you. You make me see life in a whole new light. You challenge me to be a better person and everyday I can feel myself changing for the better. I stopped cursing, my level of patience is higher, I’ve learnt how to empathize more and most importantly I’ve learnt how to love properly. You taught me how to be grateful and humble. I fell in love with how down to earth and kind you are. Never raising your voice and never showing your ego. We skip all the drama other couples have. Always making our own way, never bothered with others.
Baby, you’ve changed me so much and I never thought I could be the girl I am today. Never thought I’d stay in a relationship this long. You make me want ‘forever’ with you. God forbid, if we ever part ways, know that I’ve always and will always love you. What we have is now and now is us together. I love you with love and nothing else. Some people look for love and they’re looking for it in all the wrong places – appearances, lust and wealth. I pray that may they be blessed with the same happiness that we have and let them realize that at the end of the day, true love is not about all those things, it’s about how you treat each other and the sincerity of feelings that one has for the other. You make me realize that, Sayang. I want us to grow together and develop into good and kind human beings, following the correct path to Allah SWT. Let us be each other’s witness in life. Let’s see how far and great we grow up to be.
I love you, baby. Always. 3 years and I’m still head over heels. And I want to feel this way with you for as long as I can. 3 years and we’re still steadfast. Let’s make it that way for the years to come.
Anbreen, your love"
Cheesy, I know. But it's the only way I know how to be.
5 years ago I wouldn't have imagined being where I am today. In a way, I've changed, gained and lost so much. Some major things are as follows:
I cursed a lot. I can't manage my temper and my opinion's the only one that matters.
Dreaming that I'd work in a magazine - to get my writings published and have fun with fashion.
I HAD to attend all happening events, concerts and parties. I couldn't say no to an invitation.
Religion is only for the pious. As long as I didn't commit any big sins, I was fine.
Love was stupid. No one can ever have such feelings for another person.
Am still in progress. I stopped cursing and learnt to control my anger. I respect people's views and try to see it in their perspective.
I am now a features and lifestyle writer for CLEO magazine. Dreams come true with perseverance.
Home is the only place you'll find me. Partying only when there's a special occasion.
Trying to limit committing sins - even as small as sighing at my parents. My next big major goal is to cover myself up.
I understand what love is from a man that is so self-less and humble in life. Teaching me to be modest and grounded.
I also realize that a family constitution consists of teaching and learning from the people who are close to us. Love, compassion, culture and sense of belonging. My family means the world to me. I sympathize people who longs for a family but aren't blessed with it. I pity people who take family for granted. It's a shame and all I can do is pray that they cherish what they have before it gets taken away. Even if you can't get along with your family, learn how to respect each other.
So many things that I've learnt and realized. So far, my definition of success is happiness and happiness means satisfaction. At the end of the day, the things that I used to want (money, beauty, perfection) just doesn't matter. And if you understand what you really want, you'll get the satisfaction of a happy life. Do what you have to do to be happy even if it is as simple as listening to a pop song to making major life adjustments. Take advice from people but only take it into consideration. You yourself can make your life's decision. Not others.
Side note: I just graduated first class for Bachelor's in Mass Communication (Journalism), received the Vice Chancellor's Award on 1st December 2012. This one's for you, mum & dad :*
Bangkok's fantastic! Had a good splurge of a time and money with a girlfriend. Awesome and great fashion items for cheap and reasonable prices. Whatever you want and can think of, you'll find it there. Definitely a go-to place to satisfy your fashion cravings. I'd most definitely go again. This time to explore the rich cultural city, to taste the fresh seafood, to walk mindlessly and of course, to shop my butt off. Wonder if I could resist the temptation to avoid shopping here in KL and save up for another shopping trip there. Hmm.
Am I really ready to dive into the real world? What do I have to fall back on if this doesn't work? I've spent more than half my life being a 'student' and now this... It's a bit overwhelming. Intense too - good and bad. I've always been comfortable knowing the expected matters that I have to overcome and to have no one hovering over me. This time, my survival depends on it, to make an honest living, to be financially and personally independent. Not to mention that I have someone to answer to now. Not really keen about the idea of having a 'boss' but that's what people with careers have to go through, right? Can you see? I'm such a kid.
Yes, I am actually 17. Stepping outside my comfort zone sucks.